The work of Erich Neumann
20.4
Page 4 of 5
Essential differences
So a young girl does not need to break up the primal relationship in order to mature into an adult, socially well-functioning woman. By contrast, a man does need to break free. He will be unable to display independent, masculine behaviour unless he has shattered the symbiosis with the mother. Severe disturbances in this process can lead to Oedipal or narcissistic tendencies in boys.
A girl, on the other hand, may well be able to function sexually, in the physical sense, without having passed through a process of differentiation. In this respect, marriage has a special meaning for a girl. In her marriage, she will learn (as the boy has learned already) to construct a Self of her own, in opposition to that of the man. Indeed, if the masculine Self has not fully crystallized yet, the feminine Self will not achieve full emancipation either, and the influence of the mother-in-law will continue to play an active role in the relationship.
Ergo, to the extent that the masculine Self is able to crystallize, the psychological development of the feminine, too, can come to fruition (20.4.a).
Emancipation
So for the woman, her marital life signifies the start of an entirely new phase of development, in which her own Self is being formed in the confrontation with the Self of the man.
Culturally speaking, we have developed from archaic times into the modern emancipation movement, with the feminine aspect developing from symbiosis into polarity. This opens up a new potential for the development of both the masculine and the feminine pole, through their continuous interaction with each other.
Running ahead and trailing behind
Because of their imperative need to differentiate themselves from the mother, a boy experiences a more complicated start in life than a girl. He needs to arrive at an inner decision and then move into action.
A girl has a foundation that was never disrupted and so, psychologically speaking, she sits more firmly in the saddle during her childhood years than boys of the same age.
A girl has a natural sense of who she is. A boy needs to objectify the events in his life, incorporating everything into his consciousness. He must get to know life and the world, to learn to both adjust to and stand firm in his social environment and society at large.
The initial vacuum that a boy falls into, makes him fall behind during his childhood, compared to a girl’s psychological development. In that period of their life, girls are generally smarter, wiser and more decisive than boys.
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